

In this newsroom, breaking means losing. Our reporters don't know what's about to be on the teleprompter, and every laugh is a point against them.

Jack Spear, Gordon Ram-It-In-Me, Grant O'Brien, Self, Soundboard (voice), Mayor's Office Staffer (voice), Baby Ducklings That Think Their Mom is a Cat, Croooooob, Inside Out Candace Bergen, Horace Race, Regular Tron, Grant Anthony O'Brien, Jungle Jim, Logan, Ray Romano, Quasi Hello Moto, Skimberly Milk, Code, Bob Sauce, Bette Menforever, Preti Bigtoo, The Bad Guy From that NWA Video, Here Too, Luigi Di Beppo, Meat Spin, Carl Cum, Italian Beef, A Mamma Mia Mommy, Doug Smuggles

David "Dave" Olsen, Van Bones, Foot Ballerson, Gloot Grizzly, Big Pants, Lamey Adams, The Other, Haunch Toodles, Val, Frick Davis, Brookstone Skymall, Superman, Just Danny, Hal Satan, Cool English Teacher, Stamps Dotcom, Drew Carey, Googie Popsicles, Sir Hollandaise, Omar GameCube, Slap Smack-Awooga Née Honkhonk, Famous Groin, Dildo Baggins, Steven Slime, [Name Redacted], Glub, Tim Taffy, Groin, Regular Thomas, Tig Olbitties

Mr. Juicy Cauldron, Chunky Scoop, Pump Fullo Lumplins, Jamie Lotion, Mr. Money, Val Valentine, Katie Marovitch, Baby Fump, This Many, Lenerd Dog, Chuck Buttstone, Finna Getit, Original Danny, Tickles, Sam Reesh, A. Scatman, Lips Aloha, Rickey Nudes, Cody "Drunk Frat Guy", Self, David Scott, Zip, Amanda Hugankiss, Another Remix of Old Town Road, Beaver Cleveland, Lisa Hollandaise, George Porridge

Romeo Romeo, Pat Bieberson, Buck Fruckster, Unknown 12 Year Old Boy, Rick K. Brick, Temple Grandin Jr., Ryan Beans, Ashton Yellowbut, Thomas Tickle, Handsome Anthony, Deuce Bigalow Irish Seamstress, Paul Porridge, Homer Barris, Carl Candy, "Stone Cold" Steve Penis, Sexy Hustler, Flail Sporadically, Peaches Bitch, Peaky Blinders, D🍩m Th🍩mps🍩n, Adele Dazeem, Sam Rish, Dr. Tristin Chambers, Macro Pubio, Howard, Daisy Dukes, 50, Teresa MyPizza

Roger Baskin-Lee, Pepper Stevens, Jeff, Allison Oatmeal, Brian Waterson, Smegan Heaven, Buzz Aldrin, Clearly New Here, Danny Ocean, Bo, Old Enough To Remember, Brennan Lee Marovitch, Jeremy Jones, Dogboy Dimples, Russel Kerry, Mavis Martin, Amber Leo, Bob Sauce, Meghan Thee Dishwasher, Gilchrest Savoy, The Night, Tiffany Germ, Sue Dalton, Mike Crap, Lionel Ass, Chef Titty, Taylor West

Little Rummy Tum Tum, Wet Daniel, Gale Gobble, [FAKE BELCH] the 2nd, Nud Pudler, Mr. Pepper, "Count Dan-cula" Dan Loomis, RatAss Jonathan, Rodger Fooseballs, Alice Bloom, Prune Hub, Recently Seperated, Sports Reporter, Neera My Tanden to Thee, Jim Carrey, Trombone Toot-Toot, Tom Hollandaise, Jumbo Tron, Grant Anthony O'Brien, Bucko The Beppo, Harry, Raphael Chestang, Thumb / Raphael Chestang

Danny Number Eight, Cameron Bailey, Tom Terpin, Rachel Tillis, Sarah Clams, Bernie Lomax, Bee St. John, Dark Lord Bloodcruel the Defiler, Whatever Brad Pitt's Name Was In That Movie, Mr. Ass, Claustrophobic Nick, Clark Lick, Tina Pooter, Sue Walton, Clark Fart, Loni Sewermouth, I'm A Birdy In A Bottle Baby You Gotta Rub Me the Right Way, Lily Du, Mrs. New Booty, [Name Redacted], GooGoo DaDa GaGa BaBa MaMa WaWa TaTa, Weather Reporter, Sproing Doingleman, Ooooooooooooooo, Billie Joe Armstrong, D.P. Knightly

Manly Bigboi, Bill-Bill O'Shaughnessy, Lips London, Cap'n Jim, Lassie Bass, Danny Warbucks, Wolf Marinate, Rebecca Hat, Mr. Strong, "Weird" Al Spankmydick, Homo Simpson, Waldo Breem, Sam Reich, Lindsey, The Great Gordon

Clifford California, Jamie Hotwater, Tom Wanks, Ouchie McTummyhurts, Alan Glove, Silks Boo-Belbo, Rat Toobin, Debbie Cocaine, Grant Anthony O'Brien, Porkin' Mydad, Jingle Jangle, Moose Guy, Sam Rike, Carla DeSilvio, Weather Reporter, Moe Morkendorkon, Dr. Lionel Stubbs Wanamaker, Paul Prudhome, Jeb Bush

Fortune, Dr. Tina Tinkle, Man The Board Game Operation Was Based On, Peaky Buttholes, Daisy Dukecheeks, Gaming Reporter, Hugh Mungus, Grant Anthony O'Brien, Amy Vorpahl, Giggles McFun, Fiona, Kippy Yee, Robert Pattinson's Batman, John Kerry, Crystal Lake, Rita Lopez, Amanda Young, Dale

Maximillian Chungus, Potato, Grizabella Grits, Mama New Here, Dung Beetle, Rekha Shankar, Fish Tig (Shelby), P.P. Cocktail, Toronto's Onfire, Susanne Pershing, Billabong Thorton, Scrum Tooterscoots, Damp Probably, Felicity Almond, Stuart Big

Taylor Wisekoff, Bobby Wobs, The Town's Beloved Billionaire, Lynn My Headey Hurties, Jen Feffer-Jen-Janenna-Fennaforp, Twink Marmalade, Bug News Anchor, Dennis Rader, The BTK Killer, Jean-Luke Picard, Taylor Haskell, Ally Crap, Kaleiaughe-Anne Simpson, Little Shitty Cannoli, Ah-One-Ah Spicy Meat-Ah-Ball-Ah, Kanye Swift

Glennn with 3 N's, Punky Jewster, Diane, Mrs. Doubtfire, Albert Lurie, Oksana Ozempic-Party, Im-A-Me Mario, Peter DeBois, Mary Sugarshirt, Captain Cod, Absolutely Breathtaking, June Squid

Hot Wolf Blitzer, Nigel Evans, Stacy McCool, Ryan Crap, Handsome Trey O'Donovan, Tammy Tortellini, Actually Geese, Mrs. Ping-Pong

Millennial Park, Maya Stevens, Mister Butterworth, Incredible Cheese, Beauregard Allistar Bourbon, Danny Number Three, Patrick McDonald, Snoobs Smitherpeen

Gavin Goatse, Oliver Stevens, Fluffy Zoosh, Grip Ripley, Vic Michaelis, Regina Gina, Sam Grant, Detective Patterson

Hulk Jr., Bug News Anchor, Fink Dinkum, Poof Goof, Elaine Carroll, Jill Tuck, Ann Bradford

Long, Silver John, Doctor Chocolate, Alfred / Body-Swapped Ben Affleck, Seeso Mypeeso, Mr. Gizmo, Jackin' The Box, Goober Tuber

Steven Applesauce, Glumbo Dumberson, Jackie Snags, Outstanding Debut, Gooey Anderson, Jamie

Fat Bastard, Dimp Salad, Madison Hamilton, Stephanie Meat, Johnny Gilmore, Kate Dip

Ashy Janice, Steve Hobby, Becca Scott, Juliette Randolf, Gwenn Verdon, Blankie Nighnigh

Benjamin Bratz Doll, Trevor Van Dyne, Duke Butterfeather, John Kramer, Blimbo Dingwax, Joel Ramsey

Tom Knob, Jack Kemp, Ina Badspot, Flappy Fartoon, (Scream)

Young Money Deuteronomy, Stacy Drugs, Beef Teeth, Grace Agustine, Chip Mint Chocolate

Deeply-Repressed Memory, "Scary" Sue Strothers, John Modern, Brunt, Thomas Keller

Mike Ross, Parker Selfridge, Dotty Forkadork, Vladimir Renault, Linda

Daddy, Ban Straws, Dark Lord Bloodcruel the Defiler, Eleganta Millionari

Scrimp Shampi, Detective Bricks, Lady Leslie LaRue LaRoy LaRochelle LaMontagne Marovitch, Lawrence Leery

Linda Kirkland, Dick Lennon, Bennifer Baniston, Bob Fosse

Mary-Ellen Blankets, Tillikum The Whale From Blackfish, Bethany Trash

Oh, Jane! Simpson, Punchy Peach, Sumptuous Creem

Ron Don Johnson, Mime, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe

Beanie Feldstein, June Boom, Jake Sully

Heather Hayes, Dean Martin, Orson Gorston

Taffy Moops, Chunch Cucumber

Jillian Goldensocks, Tina Hawk

O.K. Simpson, Jessica Crispy

Children's Oncology Department, Saturday Knight

Laci Crap, Moth

Tao Chestang, Olivia Dupone

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