

The unofficial celebrity biography of Mary-Kate Olsen, brought to spoiled rotten life by Elaine Carroll. Featuring Bodyguard, Fat Professor, and obscene wealth.

Mary-Kate / Ashley, Maggie Smith

Butler, Bodyguard

Professor

Limor

Philip Seymour Hoffman

Olivier Sarkozy

Woody Allen, Writer

Bitchy Student

Photo Director

Priest
Nate
Jeremy
Tanley, Finder of Phone

Kron, MC

Zac Efron

Driving Instructor

Photographer

Rock Chick
Black Eye
Bass Player
Keyboard Player

Officer White
Camera Assistant
Jackie

Security Guard
Dishwasher

Board Member

Board Member
Board Member

Board Member
Board Member
Fireman

Host

Stand-In
Assistant Director

Writer

Boom Operator

Art Director

Gaffer

2007 • TV Show

1989 • TV Show

2000 • TV Show

1992 • TV Show

1984 • TV Show

1969 • TV Show

2022 • TV Show

2005 • TV Show

2002 • TV Show

2014 • TV Show